My Real Life vs My Second Life

*IMPORTANT POST, PLEASE READ*

As ALL of you know by now.. My real life health is shit. And it doesn’t look like it is going to get better anytime soon… on top of this, my youngest daughter is going to be seeing a specialist on Thursday, to be put on some form of medication for her moods (before you bark at me about medicating a 12 yr old, please keep in mind that I fought to postpone this event, since the doctor wanted to start it at 8 yrs old!! 12, is a much better time to start.. though, i wanted to start this during the summer but, no one would listen to me.. i had to force the issue and ask the FD to force my family to take her to the doctor and start proceedings. I want what is best for her.. and this will be the best)..
And then, if that was not enough, I am forced to deal with the realization that the man who has been a father figure in my life for the past 20 yrs, -will- pass away soon. Meaning, he has been fighting a -no winning- battle with leukemia… and before you say, there is still a chance.. there isn’t… the illness has destroyed so many aspects, and medical things in his body.. hell, he -just- got out of the hospital yesterday, after developing a fever after his first treatment of chemo this current round.. they have decided to forgo this week, and restart next week….. so, that has been hard.. and depending on how well you know me, you would know this is something that is very hard for me… losing family.. or the aspect of it.
all through this real life trouble.. I have still kept up my end of obligations, and the joy i -do- get through blogging and writing, and even with my videos on second life.
I try so hard to keep everyone happy..
I am sure you all can agree, real life, is my number 1 priority..
If people from second life cannot handle this, they can kiss my ass.
that may seem rude to you, whom ever is reading this but, in the end.. second life means nothing to me if my children are ill, or my father dies and i was not there to … idk.. just to be there for him.. i am sure he is scared, and so are we..
it means nothing to me, if i am too ill to sit at the pc and force myself to work when i know i should be in be resting.. (and believe me, i know half the time i should be but, as i stated, I want to make everyone happy.. Real life.. Second Life… hell, even for friends on wow….)
People from, Second Life have been so cruel to me as of late… people that do not even know me.. and I try to just let it pass… pretend it doesn’t bother me.
Friends have come to me to tell me, so and so , is talking about me and my “aliments” behind my back… and these people do not even know me.. they know “Morgana Hilra”.. blogger..
They know a woman that made mistakes in the past, and worked her ass off to make amends.. yeah, news flash.. I am not perfect.. not in any world..
They don’t know, Angel.. and “her” struggles…
They know pieces of things I choose to share.. even in this post, I am not sharing everything causing me concern… just the immediate…
I wish there was a way, for people to see a glimpse into my life.. just to see what I deal with…
There isn’t though.. and so, I am left with uncertainty both in my real life, as well as my second life.
The past few months, I have random pc issues, as you all know because, let’s face it, I am not secretive about things, especially, if it will cut me off from the world around me..
I try to get online and blog, and most of you know, I do a pretty damn good job of it..
However because, I have put my real life first, and because I have had multiple issues with my pc, I have yet again been punished for it.
Now, please do not think this is a smear campaign.. no way would I do that… once upon a time, I would have named, and shamed the people involved but, again, I have grown up since then.. it was 10 yrs ago.. so, no.. I am not going to name the group, or store, or people involved but, I will say, that even though I followed the rules of said group, and did the required amount of posts, and reported each and every single post.. for some reason, their website did not record some of the posts, and for it, I was removed from the group.
Now, I fully understand, that if I had not held up my end of the agreement, then sure, remove me. If I was collecting free gifts, and not blogging, and had no reason not to be blogging, then -yes- by all means, remove me.. If I had received strikes, or warnings, and I still did not blog.. then, yes… remove me.
However, in this instance.. this is not the case.. the -only- issues was the website did not record my posts.. however, they are clearly labeled, categorized, and tagged on my blog it’s self as well as on flickr.. plus, I also went and sent links to all the designers, -and- the group chat…
I have followed each and every single rule.
I understand how stressful it is for designers, and managers, to follow each blogger.. I am not dissing either of them but, what I -am- saying, is that when a blogger is unappreciated, or feels that they are wronged in some way, then it is up to the manager to work with them, and understand.. maybe there was an error.. maybe there was an issue on either server side of the site, or maybe the bloggers pc had issues… of course this is assuming that they appreciate their bloggers… especially if they work their rear ends off, so not to disappoint people.
In my case.. what is hurting me the most is knowing that even though I literally bent over backwards to make sure that I blogged, I was still removed, over report issues..
They still got the traffic, and the work.. they got their promotion, they got all the work on my end, and don’t get me wrong, blogging, writing, videos, these all keep me feeling.. myself.. if you have ever been ill, or ever been worried about your child, or family, then you know what I am referring too.. but, it hurts knowing that even though, I have done my best.. it was just not good enough because of the reporting site.. because of my pc… because i choose real life over second life at times…
I understand why many of the newer bloggers quit after a short time..
I wish I had a chance.
The group in this situation, I saw the notice about missing links, and I went and filled out the form for the past two months.. however, I did not know the other posts had not been recorded, as I personally, remembered recording them.
Come to find out tonight, -after- being removed from the group for not reporting, that many of the posts I reported, did not make it.
In this instance, I think it would have been more appropriate to actually go to the blog, look up the category, and look for themselves.
It is not as though, I disappear for months on end. No.. in fact, I feel horrible when I have to take more than one personal day because, despite what many people think of me, I try so hard, to keep my promises, and my obligations, and even when I am all caught up, and think to myself, I am safe to take a few days just for me, I still come back because, of you… my readers… I want to try and stay current..
I come back, on days, that I have labelled personal days because, a designer I adore, has released something new, or a new store has opened and I want to share it with my readers, and I want to honor the designer.. or the event.. or the fund raiser..
So you see.. I -do- care about what you, my reader, my “sponsor” (you can choose your own word but, for now.. that is what I call them.. They provide me with an item, and I promote it. In real life, they call that a sponsor. In real life, it is either a financial sponsor or, a product sponsor.. so, have your way, call it what you wish.)… I care about what you all think.. and I work my butt off to try and show you all how much I care.
I have been blogging for 10+ years but, I think So Hawt SL is my best project ever..
I think I have done an awesome job, and it’s been 6 years.. and I am still going.
I try not to let set backs, and poor treatment, and being removed from groups, bother me but, I am a human behind this monitor.. A human with feelings, and when I get hurt, I do lash out.. just like any human, that takes so much, and then.. explodes.
I wondered about making this post.. it seems whenever a blogger expresses their feelings, they are degraded, put down, treated worse than if they kept quiet but, I had to say something because, so many of us are treated this way.
I am not the best blogger out there. I know this. I do not think I am better than anyone else, and I -want- to learn to do better photos, and everything.. but, no one has offered.. wait.. no.. that is a mistake, there is one person, Babydoll Tracy, offered to help me to make photos like hers.. I have been too sick to sit up at the pc for too long but, as soon as I am better, I will take her advice.. but, I mean in general.. like, tutorials, or suggestions… positive suggestions not like some of the things people on youtube have said to me, like that one person that told me I should ‘end it all”… meaning my life.. and if you are about to say, maybe he was referring to your blog.. nope, I asked what he meant, and he told me to kill myself.. nice, huh?
Sigh.. I am hurt.. I really love my sponsors stores, or events. Some I have been with for many many years and I have the utmost respect for them.. so, when something like this happens, and it is totally an unfounded reason….then, yes.. I have to say something.
Again, I will not say who it was.. I am sure by now, they have seen this and know who they are.. what happened was unfair..
I am not going to change. I am not going to suddenly get better, and blog 24/7.. I will continue to try and get healthy in real life.. I will continue to support my little girl in getting better, and more stable.. I will continue to support my dad, and I will continue to blog, and support designers, and collaboration groups, and new designers, just as I have been.. and hopefully this will be good enough.. and hopefully, someone will see an application from me, and know that they will get the best that I can give..
If you look at my past blogging, I am 95% on the ball.. that other 5%, well.. I cannot give you that… also, sometimes, I will mess up, and they may have to poke at me but, I swear, I will do my best.. now, and in the future.
Please do not take this post as me having a tantrum… I am expressing my opinion, which I know for a fact, that many other bloggers feel the same way but, are afraid of retaliation.. in the end, this -is my – blog… and I do post what I want.. and right now.. I choose to share some of my real life, and my second life.. and hope that maybe someone out there that blogs know they are not alone.. or is a manager, or a designer looking for bloggers, may keep some of the things I have shared in mind..
I know there are bloggers out there, that do screw over their sponsors.. and to those all I can say is shame on you but, there are some of us that are 100% (real life permitting) committed, and we need a chance to fix things before we are just booted.
*shrugs*….
In the end.. my real life is more important to me.. but, to feel like myself, I -need- to blog.. and for those of you.. readers, sponsos, that are still with me.. thank you for your support.
To the manager of the group I was recently removed from… I am appreciative of the chance to blog in an awesome event… I am saddened that instead of just checking to see if something was up, I was removed… even after with the warning sent out, after reporting my posts, I was still removed… I am still happy that I was a part of a great group, and I am sad that I am no longer…………. but, thank you just the same….
For now, I am going to watch a movie, and prepare for my Orthopedic Surgeon appt tomorrow (Tuesday 11am), and pray for good news about the ulcer on my ankle… that still has not gotten better…. I will be keeping people upto date on my social media… so, if you want to be updated, subscribe to me on plurk, or twitter… and… well.. other than that.. …. all I have left to say is.. good night…

PS: Sorry if my grammar is crap.. It is 3:16am est.. and I am exhausted, and I am just not a genius, lol..  thank you for reading.

~ the above photo will be blogged tomorrow after I rest after my appointment… it stars myself.. as both Morgana Hilra & Jared Shelter.